Apr 30, 2005
The Official Raving Monster Loony Party
The above are one of the parties fighting the General Election in Britain (where else?) on the 5th May. Some excerpts from their 'Manicfesto':
"Our team of experts has decided that Income Tax has not proved popular with the public and will therefore be abolished. It was started in order to finance the Napoleonic war in 1799 and we now believe that the time is right to announce the cessation of hostilities with Napoleon. Some of the money left in the coffers will be used to fill in our part of the Channel Tunnel in case no one has mentioned it to the French. Any remaining money will be strategically placed on a horse at the 3-30 at Haydock Park [racecourse] at odds of at least 12/1 in order to see us through until the next election. Income Tax will be officially replaced by people lending the government a bob or two at the end of the week when we’re a bit skint.
"In the interests of fair education policy, under a loony government all children will automatically be given full marks in their exams.
"Anyone caught breaking the law will be made to mend it.
"All food shall be clearly labelled “Recommended for Oral Use”.
"All WMD’s (weapons of Mass Distraction) will be made highly visible so that we can find them.
"Any politician wanting to start a war will be shipped off to the country in question with a bag of conkers [chestnuts.] They can then conker the country themselves.
"To keep up with the present government we promise to introduce many policies that have not been thought through properly, purely for cheap votes.
These include:
Giving everyone a quid who votes for us
"Vote for Insanity, You Know it Makes Sense!"
Their website: http://www.omrlp.com/
"Our team of experts has decided that Income Tax has not proved popular with the public and will therefore be abolished. It was started in order to finance the Napoleonic war in 1799 and we now believe that the time is right to announce the cessation of hostilities with Napoleon. Some of the money left in the coffers will be used to fill in our part of the Channel Tunnel in case no one has mentioned it to the French. Any remaining money will be strategically placed on a horse at the 3-30 at Haydock Park [racecourse] at odds of at least 12/1 in order to see us through until the next election. Income Tax will be officially replaced by people lending the government a bob or two at the end of the week when we’re a bit skint.
"In the interests of fair education policy, under a loony government all children will automatically be given full marks in their exams.
"Anyone caught breaking the law will be made to mend it.
"All food shall be clearly labelled “Recommended for Oral Use”.
"All WMD’s (weapons of Mass Distraction) will be made highly visible so that we can find them.
"Any politician wanting to start a war will be shipped off to the country in question with a bag of conkers [chestnuts.] They can then conker the country themselves.
"To keep up with the present government we promise to introduce many policies that have not been thought through properly, purely for cheap votes.
These include:
Giving everyone a quid who votes for us
"Vote for Insanity, You Know it Makes Sense!"
Their website: http://www.omrlp.com/