Last night on late TV our beloved President announced he is launching a Preemptive War Against Bird Flu (PWABF), because Karl Rove suggested that's where the WMDs might really be hidden!
To seal off any threat from the East, American bombers attacked the Canary Islands. Naval warships are moving to surround the Islands and shell them with depleted uranium. After that, Poodle Blair can send in some of the Brits leaving Iraq to round up the survivors to rendition to Guantanamo.
Deadeye Dick, our heroic VP, an expert on eliminating fowls, such as guinea hens, has a secret plan in the works to stop any threat from the West by peppering New Guinea with billions of rounds of buckshot. A multi-billion dollar no-bid contract, which DDC always carries around in his pocket, to do this, has already been signed with Halliburton-KBR. One of Dick's friends has opined this always leaves things, however, looking a bit too much like the mess at a Tyson's factory.
A planner in Rummy's Pentagon suggested bombing to the South since someone named Byrd had once explored around down there, possibly contaminating that Pole, but our wise President pointed out that "a Byrd is not the same as a bird," and besides he just saw a Disney flick demonstrating that hungry dog teams can neutralize any bird threat in that area, thus saving us thousands, perhaps millions of bombs, that might break off more melting glaciers.
What a guy, even in the midst of war, he's thinking about the environment!
Finally, our Mexican-American forces don't like that cold, despite the fact that some of them are Navy SEALS.
It's nice to know that America is in such good hands. With any luck, Osama may have been vacationing in the Canarys, thus "killing two birds with one bomb."
Don't mess with Texas, but Pigeon Forge, TN, better batten down. Hey, the winds from there blow over to Asheville! Maybe Dolly can stop that one.
It's going to be another "Long War," but "Heck of a Job, Dubya!"