Dominic Sandbrook: President Windsor

Dominic Sandbrook is a British historian and a contributing writer for the New Statesman.

Imagine that the year is 2015. After the early collapse of the coalition government and the ensuing Labour landslide, Britain is holding the first presidential election in its history. The government's preferred candidate is the rather uninspiring figure of Margaret Beckett, although some left-wing backbenchers support the trenchant John McDonnell, who is running as an independent. The Tories have nominated the veteran Kenneth Clarke, the early front-runner, while the Lib Dems have ended up with Paddy Ashdown. There is also a handful of independents, adding to the gaiety of the proceedings. Lembit Öpik's campaign has been an exercise in self-mortification, and, if the polls are right, very few voters are likely to tell Lord Sugar "You're hired".

But as the campaign has gone on, the winner's identity has become steadily more obvious. In an age of widespread political alienation, it is perhaps not surprising that so many people should want to vote for an independent. More surprising, perhaps, is that so many should vote for an elderly, upper-class woman in her late eighties who has defiantly eschewed many of the conventions of campaigning. Refusing to take part in the televised debates, to record broadcasts or even to give interviews, she has spent much of the campaign walking around shopping centres and visiting hospital wards, occasionally breaking off to watch the horse racing. She promises nothing and has no policies, and yet, wherever she goes, members of the public present her with flowers. Some of them have tears in their eyes. "She's the only one for the job," a local taxi driver told me after she had visited Wolverhampton. "After all, she's been doing it long enough. She's the only one of them with the right experience."

Yes, it is time to face facts. Britain is about to get its first republican president. Her name is Elizabeth Windsor.

Since Britain becoming a republic is about as likely as West Bromwich Albion winning the Premier League, this is a scenario we will never have to face. Anyway, isn't the Queen, as we are often told, defiantly non-political?..