The Great Knights of Donald Trump and their Quest for the Voter FraudBreaking News
tags: satire, Voter Fraud, Donald Trump, 2020 Election
Lo, it was a chill day of November and the wind did blow from the north, and then did President Trump gather all his great champions to the Resolute Table, for he waxed wroth. And the lieutenant governor of Texas did gather, and the senators from Georgia, both junior and senior, and Mike Pence the vice president, of gray hair and stern countenance, who had vowed a mighty vow to dine with no maiden saving only his wedded wife, did gather, and they all did prepare themselves to hearken unto what the president would bespeak them of.
And he said unto his beknighteds, “I have seen a terrible vision of a great Voter Fraud. It hath robbed me of the presidency which is mine by right, as has been foretold to me many times by OANN and Newsmax and other outlets. Of the betrayal of Fox News let me speak not! But this Voter Fraud is a fearsome beast, and it hath devoured up millions upon millions of ballots, though none has seen it, save these 234 pages of signed Michigan affidavits, which were alas mainly hearsay or a misunderstanding of how the votes were to be counted. But it grieveth me full sore that none has detected it no wheres, which is sign of its great cunning and stealth, for it possesseth the ability both to devour up many hundreds upon thousands of ballots and to go invisible.”
And he commanded them that they go forth and seek out the Voter Fraud and find proof of it, and then he should reward them with much gold that he had raised up from amongst his loyal followers, and Rudy Giuliani should bespeak them fair and give unto them even half his kingdom total landscaping.
And they rode forth in quest of this Voter Fraud. But no Voter Fraud did they see. And they did wander all across the land in quest of it. And Joe Biden did offer them water to drink if they would but leave their quest and congratulate him, but at his hands they would accept none, and congratulations did they offer not the one.
They traveled many leagues in quest of it. And they bespied a postal worker who said that he had seen the Voter Fraud, but he did not speak them full sooth, and no Voter Fraud did they find. And they found the great beast Gritty, rampant orange over the streets of Philadelphia, but no Voter Fraud did they find. And Trump did fulminate that 2 million votes had been destroyed by the vile sorcerer Dominion, but no sign of this could they see.