Quite Rather

by Cliopatria

Of course one does try to civilize the natives, the poor dumb beasts, but it's rather an uphill slog -- why, the very best of them can't even figure out how to open a car door, did you know?

Bloody damn mystery how they ever managed to shoot down all those Soviet aircraft and what have you. The blind luck of the primitive, I suppose.

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Ralph M. Hitchens - 8/23/2010

The Mujahideen understandably exaggerated their success in shooting down Soviet aircraft & helicopters, particularly after they received Stinger missiles from the US. There was a brief "bump" in losses for which the Soviet Air Force compensated with onboard jamming systems of dubious utility as well as new, more restrictive rules of engagement -- mainly featuring much higher operating altitudes. This more than the actual aircraft losses reflected the actual impact of the introduction of the Stinger. Soviet air operations against Muj targets became much less effective -- one Mujahideen leader told us that for the first time since about 1981 they were able to move supply caravans during daylight hours.

Chris Bray - 8/21/2010

"And did you know the Afghan people glow in the dark? Really a problem for us, tactically speaking. We have to cloak them for night operations, to hide the phosphorescence."

Chris Bray - 8/21/2010

And so there you are with Katie Couric, and she's nodding earnestly and writing down everything you say. How can you not give in to temptation? How can you not test the machine?

"Actually, Katie, the Pashtuns live on a diet of tree bark and tungsten."

"Wow, general, that's so amazing! I'll be sure to put that it my report!"

"And did you know that they're allergic to water that hasn't been mixed with moon rocks?"

Chris Bray - 8/21/2010

If they're cats with opposable thumbs who yearn for freedom, we can definitely work with that.

Chris Bray - 8/21/2010

I wonder if there was a moment where the mujahideen were all, like, "here come the Soviet warplanes -- get the anti-aircraft missiles!" But then they were all, like, "Oh, shit -- the missiles are in the car!"

RUN QUICKLY TO THE CIA CAMP AND GET US A WHITE ANGLO-SAXON PROTESTANT SO WE CAN GET THE CAR DOOR OPEN AND GET TO THE MISSILES!

I'm kind of hoping that Katie Couric writes a whole history of the Soviet war in Afghanistan, so we can finally understand what really happened there.

Jonathan Jarrett - 8/21/2010

Well, then of course the USA were selling them the latest portable surface-to-air missiles. Since US forces have to use them too, obviously they need to be fairly idiot-proof...

Karen Lofstrom - 8/21/2010

I read the "car door" in the above as "cat door" -- which, combined with the use of "dumb beasts", gave an interesting twist to the sentence.

It wasn't until I got the part re shooting down Soviet aircraft that I decided that CATS can't shoot down aircraft ... yet.

A few people are trying to breed cats with opposable thumbs.